one day you're going to get hungry and eat all the words you just said

Ten foods that you can feed me and I’ll be happy
1. sushi – no avocado, motherfucker
2. olives – in oil, but brine will do because I love them so much
3. salt and vinegar crisps that burn your mouth
4. gumboot tea with milk, no sugar
5. strawberry milkshakes that don’t skimp on the strawberry or the ice cream
6. cheesecake, baked or regular
7. curry, the hotter the better with goopy sauce, basmati and naan
8. mashed potatoes with cream and butter
9. frozen yoghurt that’s a little bit melted
10. fresh bread with butter so thick you can see your teeth marks in it

i don't wanna be anything other than what i've been tryin' to be lately

ten things i learnt yesterday at quiz night:
1. the highway from florida to virginia is interstate 17
2. mississippi is the magnolia state
3. paul bettany was in a knight's tale, dogville and davinci code
4. whakapapa is nz's largest skifield
5. tanganyika and zanzibar combined to become tanzania
6. tokoroa has a statue of a guy with a chainsaw
7. the WIN party was formed in 2005 against the no smoking in bars policy
8. the erebus flight that crashed was 901
9. sweet charity the musical was based on a screenplay by Frederico Fellini
10. islam began in saudi arabia

The subtle whoring that costs too much to be free

ten places I’ve been to that you’ve probably not heard of:
1. Ruatahuna
2. Maungapohatu
3. Ruatoki
4. Taneatua
5. Clive
6. Tuai
7. Oeo
8. Manutuke
9. Mokai
10. Pohara

every shiny bonnet makes me think of my back on it

ten songs about a car:
1. car song – elastica
2. mint car – the cure
3. little red corvette – prince
4. brand new car – rolling stones
5. fast car – tracey chapman
6. gimme the car – violent femmes
7. pink Cadillac – Natalie cole
8. big yellow taxi – Janis Joplin
9. drive my car - beatles
10. thunderbird – zz top

sorry seems to be the hardest word

ten reasons why i didn't blog yesterday:
1. i got up at 5.15am
2. i played support crew to my girls cycling round lake taupo (160kms!)
3. so i was busy all day running around
4. i couldn't get my mobile to blog (bloody beta, won't let me do it anymore)
5. we came back to the house where we were staying at 8pm
6. and i didn't want to get my laptop out in front of others in case they thought i was weird or desperate
7. and my T3G card is close to the limit anyway
8. then we drank a lot
9. and started dancing
10. and really, i was having too much fun to sneak off and do it.

hold me now, warm my heart, stay with me

ten strange things that I collect:
1. Smiths and Morrissey on vinyl
2. lurid 60s cookbooks
3. racist NZ history books
4. glass jars for jam making
5. bandanas for my dog
6. maps
7. retro kitchenware
8. teapots
9. incredibly strange / cult DVDs
10. preserves recipes

i bet you think this song is about you, don't you?

ten songs I want played at my funeral:
1. Love and Affection - Joan Armitrading
2. 32 Flavours - Ani Di Franco
3. Ooh Ahh Just a Little Bit - Gina G
4. Hurt - Johnny Cash
5. Closer to Fine - Indigo Girls
6. Mama I’m Strange - Melissa Etheridge
7. Common People - Pulp
8. You Shook Me All Night Long - ACDC
9. Bat Out of Hell - Meatloaf
10. There is a Light that Never Goes Out - Smiths

we are the goon squad and we're coming to town

ten fashion crimes I witnessed today:
1. brown tan boots on a man
2. brown shoes / blue pin striped trousers / black jacket
3. pink puffy shouldered shirt
4. beige safari suit
5. slingback heels and trousers that were too short
6. heels with bad scuffs that were worn down unevenly
7. square elongated glasses on the wrong face shape
8. black fishnets and shiny silver panelled ankle boots
9. barefeet!
10. red beanie worn too high on the head.

this indecision me molesta

ten reasons I should stay
1. I get paid well
2. the work is easy
3. I can get time off without fucking around with forms and crap
4. I don’t have a budget
5. I don’t have to get dressed up
6. it takes me 10 minutes, tops, to drive to work and there’s a parking space when I get there
7. so I can leave at 8.45am and be at work at 9am
8. my boss is often out so I can get stuff done
9. I can take my dogs, sometimes
10. I can surf the net without worrying about the net nanny / big brother

it takes courage to enjoy it

Ten TV programmes that I secretly love and will lie if people ask if I watch them:
1. Home and Away
2. America’s Next Top Model
3. NZ Idol
4. Jerry Springer
5. E! 101 sexiest / best / most scandalous moments / celebrities / anythings
6. 90210 reruns
7. The Swan
8. Miss Match
9. Dawson’s Creek
10. My big Fat Obnoxious Boss

forget about the last one, get yourself another

ten beverages i served today at toast newtown:
1. five flax merlot cabernet (east coast)
2. belhaven wee heavy (scotland)
3. pol clement blanc de blancs (france)
4. ranchman's red (hawkes bay)
5. montepulciano d'abruzzo (italy)
6. bristol best bitter (wigram)
7. sapporo (japan)
8. hoegarden de verboden (belgium)
9. fresh coffee (havana roasters)
10. grapefruit and soda (jane's garden)

i laid a divorcee in new york city

Ten reasons why the beatles is all about love and the stones is all about sex – and probably goes a long way to explaining why I’m a stones girl.
1. I wanna hold your hand vs let’s spend the night together
2. all you need is love vs I can't get no satisfaction
3. michelle vs angie
4. The girl that's driving me mad is going away (ticket to ride) vs I come to you, so silent in the night, so stealthy, so animal quiet (emotional rescue)
5. when I get home to you I'll find the things that you do will make me feel alright (hard day’s night) vs when you call my name I salivate like a Pavlov dog (bitch)
6. I'll give you all I got to give if you say you love me too (money can’t buy me love) vs you’ll never break this heart of stone (heart of stone)
7. I'm so proud to know that she is mine (I feel fine) vs down to me, the change has come, she's under my thumb (under my thumb)
8. Hope you need my love babe, just like I need you (8 days a week) vs i'm called the hit-and-run raper in anger (midnight rambler)
9. did I tell you I need you every single day of my life (got to get you into my life) vs do you think that you're the only girl around? I bet you think that you're the only woman in town (it’s only rock and roll but I like it)
10. we danced through the night, and we held each other tight (I saw her standing there) vs you make a grown man cry (start me up)

i wish i could eat your cancer when you turn black

ten things i got delivered in my organic grocery box last night:
1. a huge cabbage
2. 2 avocadoes
3. 300g asparagus
4. 2 broccolli
5. 750g kiwifruit
6. 1 kg carrots
7. 1.7kg oranges
8. 500g grapefruit
9. 1.15kg kumara
10. 175g radishes

i’m a rebel and my 44 pops far

Ten rock chicks that rock my world:
1. Storm Large
2. Debbie Harry
3. Nina Hagen
4. Patti Smith
5. Pat Benatar
6. Janis Joplin
7. Joan Jett
8. Siouxsie Sioux
9. Grace Slick
10. PJ Harvey

don’t feel like dancin’ dancin’

ten things I learnt last night at the pub quiz
1. a baby koala is called a joey
2. Natalie Mains is the main singer of the Dixie Chicks
3. Stephen Fry won the Rose d'or this year
4. Pirate Mary may or may not have been the name of a pirate
5. the odds on a corner at roulette are 8 to 1 (not 9 to 1, godammit)
6. the King of Scotland is set in Africa
7. 5 films have won 10 or more Oscars
8. The Duke of Wellington’s horse was called Copenhagen
9. your coccyx is your tailbone (tee hee coccyx)
10. Vladimir Putin has served 2 terms

no pill's gonna cure my ills

the top ten sexiest women on ER:
1. Nurse Carol Hathaway
2. Nurse Sam Taggart (remember her from Freaks and Geeks? WHy did that show ever get cancelled?)
3. Abby Lockhart
4. Dr Carrie Weaver (probably number 1 if I was arsed to do it in order)
5. Sandy Lopez, Dr Weaver's hot firefighter girlfriend
6. Dr Kim Legaspi (the psychiatrist, remember her?)
7. Neela Rasgotra
8. Dr Susan (the one that was there at the start, then went away, then came back, yay!)
9. Dr Alex Corday (the english one)
10. George Clooney (yes, i know, but he gets an honoraray inclusion as he's one of the few men I'd genuinely shag)

i know you and you cannot sing

my ten favourite smiths and Morrissey songs
1. there is a light that never goes out
2. the queen is dead
3. mute witness
4. hairdresser on fire
5. panic
6. maudlin street
7. suedehead
8. last of the famous international playboys
9. what difference does it make
10. william it was really nothing

She dreams in colour she dreams in red

My ten favourite cartoons:
1 daria
2 family guy
3 king of the hill
4 simpsons
5 ren and stimpy
6 bro town
7 rug rats
8 sponge bob
9 aqua teen hunger force
10 pope town

I go around and round and round and round and round

Ten streets I've lived on in the last ten years:
1 stoke st
2 links rd
3 portland cres
4 bidwill st
5 silverdale rd
6 fox st
7 gillette lane
8 clyde st
9 bond st
10 malcolm lane

am i your passion, your promise, your ache? i say i am

the ten rules for being a lesbian*
1. not all lesbians look alike
2. CAUTION! Long Term lesbian couples may look alike
3. Friends = Dating Possibilities
4. A True breakup is breakup #4 - or six months
5. choose a nickname or one will be chosen for you
6. Old Girlfriends never leave; they become best friends
7. Lesbian Years = Dog Years
8. Dyke Drama. It's a reality. As inevitable as the tide. From the Latin: Lesbosapphicus Dramaticus
9. Warning! Just one degree of separation between you and any other lesbian
10. Grab the bull by the horns

* courtesy of "The Ten Rules: A Lesbian Survival Guide", the short movie i saw last night.

yo yo yo yippy yo yippy yay

Ten songs with dog in the title:
1. Black Dog – Led Zep
2. Now I Want to Be Your Dog – Iggy and the Stooges
3. Can Your Pussy do the Dog? – The Cramps
4. Diamond Dogs – David Bowie
5. Hound Dog – Elvis
6. Slow Dog – Belly
7. Dogs of Lust – The The
8. Dog New Tricks – Garbage
9. Bird Dog – Everley Brothers
10. Doggfather – Snoop Dogg

just like the white winged dove

ten things i learnt yesterday at the pub quiz:
1. there are 40 million sheep in NZ (not 30)
2. the tunisian flag is red, with a white circle and a star and a sycle (not the indomesian)
3. carrot cake is the national cake of saudi arabia
4. status quo played at les Battersby's wedding on coro (not cream)
5. the inland taipan is the deadliest snake in the world (not a rattlesnake)
6. tuatapere is the sausage capital of NZ (not blackball)
7. lake brunner is in fiordland national park
8. angelina jolie is now making 20 million a movie (not reece witherspoon)
9. it's 580 km from Picton to Oamaru
10. stevie wonder has won 18 grammys (not michael jackson or celine dion)

oh yeah, you’re gonna look so cute – sunglasses, bathing suit

ten good twists in movies
1. he’s Luke’s father!
2. there’s an icepick under the bed!
3. it’s his sled!
4. Jay Davidson is a guy!
5. Ed and Brad are the same guy!
6. he screams and you know he’s one of them!
7. The planet is Earth in the future!
8. he dresses as his mum to kill people!
9. it’s her head in the box!
10. he’s bullshitting the whole story and doesn’t have a limp!

to me it’s like breathing

what ten famous people would call themselves if they were Jennifer Lopez:
1. M Lo – Meatloaf
2. L Lo – Lindsay Lohan
3. A Jo – Angelina Jolie
4. H No – Heather Nova
5. J Ro – Johnny Rotten
6. L To – Lily Tomlin
7. A Bo – Anne Boleyn
8. D Gro – Dave Grohl
9. B Do – Bob Dole
10. H Go – Holly Golightly

there’s no sex in the champagne room

ten godawful porn title puns
1. backside to the future
2. Jurassic poke
3. romancing the bone
4. rears in windows
5. single tight female
6. cape rear
7. field of wet dreams
8. inrearendence day
9. honey, I blew everybody
10. beetlejism

it’s not a habit it’s cool, I feel alive

ten things in my shopping trolley today:
1. cumin and garlic feta
2. vogels toast bread
3. a dozen eggs
4. schweppes tonic water
5. sprite
6. frozen berry yoghurt
7. tampons
8. two litres of lite blue milk
9. a packet of butter
10. the Weekend Dominion

i recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone

ten things i have learned his week:
1. i looked at my hands and realised they look exactly like i remember my mother's hands looking when i was a child
2. all of the sewerage outflows and rubbish dumps are on Maori land
3. when i am in a destructive relationship, i act in the same way as my mother did
4. i can make good poached eggs and it's a lot simpler than you think (but i owe this to a friend who taught me the legend secret)
5. i hate people who get drunk and embarassing
6. i'm holding this practice together
7. but someone understands
8. my drug addiction has been replaced by an addiction to food
9. The Breakup was not such a bad film as I thought it was going to be
10. I need to get a house or section for my retirement asap

you keep saying you've got something for me

My favourite shoes:
1. new rock boots (cos the hot chick on bad girls wears them too)
2. green chuck taylors
3. dark blue faded chucks
4. stiletto boots (which i can hardly wear as they cripple me but are Faaaaaabulous)
5. black and pink vans
6. red leather converse trainers
7. white slip on sandals (because it feels like summer when I wear them)
8. black italian leather heels
9. pink suede kickers
10. white diesel porn star slip ons

life is too short to play silly games

Ten great moments in films that were made perfect by the song that was playing at the time:
1. when renton and spud are running from the cops in Trainspotting - Lust for life
2. when edward norton is tied to a chair at the end of Fight Club – Where is my mind
3. when john cusack holds the ghetto blaster over his head under the window of the girl in say anything – in Your Eyes
4. the opening sequence of Jackie Brown where Pam Grier walks through the airport – Across 110th Street
5. tom cruise dancing in his underwear in risky business – old time rock and roll
6. john and uma dancing in Pulp Fiction – Never Can Tell
7. the ear slicing in Reservoir Dogs – Stuck in the Middle With You
8. the scene where Adrien Brophy in his punk get up strips in a seedy gay club in Summer of Sam - Baba O Reilley
9. Wayne and crew singing in the car – Bohemian Rhapsody
10. the choppers flying over in Apocalypse Now – Ride of the Valkyries